Things You Should NEVER Put on Your Resume

I spend a good portion of my day at work looking at resumes. The majority of them are all the same, but there are some that make me laugh, and not in a good way. Many people will put an "interests" section in a resume. At times, this could work in their favor, but most of the time this could work against them. For example, if I put the Lakers as an interest and the person reviewing the resumes is a huge Celtics fan, do you really think it will put your resume above the others? No, it won't. In fact, they will look at it and see Kobe's beautiful face making Paul Pierce cry and in a fit of rage nearly throw their computer out the window.

Recently, the best thing I saw was someone saying that their interests involve "watching the clouds pass." Now, this person must be living under a rock since they don't understand the cultural connotation that comes with cloud watching. Cloud watcher = lazy. Who wants to hire someone who would rather watch some clouds pass than work? No wonder you are unemployed you lazy fuck. So, rule #1: leave the interests section off. They are more interested in your skill set then what you like to do in your free time.

Next, I love opening a resume with a huge picture of your face. I get it, outside the US they tend to ask for a pic, know your audience. Even on Craigslist, if they ask for a picture they probably aren't legit. Rule #2: save the pictures for your Facebook page. Unless you are applying for a job in the adult field. No one cares how well you can Photoshop your face to make your wrinkles disappear.

Also, a resume should only show what you have been doing for the past ten years. No one cares that you were an accountant in the '70s when for the past 20 years you worked at Walmart. They won't hire you as an accountant. Then they will also know about how old you are, don't give them a reason to discriminate against you. If you think age discrimination no longer exists, don't kid yourself. Rule #3: No one cares what you were doing during the Civil Rights movement.

Hope this helps those of you who are unemployed :)